The Phone Call That Changed It All

Despite all of its beauty and sweetness, life has this annoying habit of throwing challenges at us and stamping some experiences as memorable forever in a bitter way. It gifts us all kinds of moments, some blessed one that we cherish and then some so heart wrenching that totally change the way we used to think and feel. I am sure we all had one. Today, I am going to share a chapter of my life which is about an intense experience that brought one of the biggest changes in me and later shaped my perspective of things and people.

The Black Day

It all started on 18th January in 1995. I was eight months pregnant with my first child. Like an everyday routine, I was heading to my workplace with usual thoughts swirling in my head about motherhood and future. However, the second I walked in, I heard police sirens behind me heading somewhere so suddenly I screamed the name of my child’s father. I really had no idea at the time why my heart missed a beat and I yelled his name. My co-workers were giving me strange looks but then shrugged after assuming that the weird behavior has to do with my pregnancy. A few hours went by at work but then our supervisor got a call saying that a Hospital was shot up. She was worried for me as I was going to the same hospital after work for Lamaze class. The information of the hospital been shot up sounded very weird so I paid it no mind and prepared to go to class after work.

A Phone Call

When I got home I had over thirty messages on my answering machine. Therefore, I started to listen each for replying. Everyone in their message was telling me that they were so sorry but they were not stating the reason. I was so frustrated with all this that I was just about to delete all messages but then my mother called. She asked me to come over her house and when I informed her that I just got off work and now preparing for class, she insisted that it was very important for me to come to her home now.

Absorbing the Truth

Therefore, I drove to her house where she greeted me a very serious look on her face. I anxiously sat down to hear what she had to say. She broke the news to me that Demitrius (my child’s father) was shot and in a coma at the very same hospital that I was headed to attend Lamaze class. I laughed not believing it one bit. Because, one of my friends had recently told me that the father of her child faked death as he didn’t want to take care of a child. I said this isn’t real and I am going to my class.

At the same time, mom got another phone call which informed her that they took off the life-support and Demitrius is no more. However, my mind refused to accept so my mother had to ask my sister/neighbor to go with me because she knew I was in shock. As we got to the hospital, I felt something shift within me while walking in the halls of that same hospital though I was still in denial. Once we left the class, I went back to my mom’s house and stayed the night there. I did not want to go home and deal with this alone.

When I woke up the next morning and went to the kitchen, I found the newspaper. It had the news with picture of a car pierced by bullets. And, when I saw Demitrius’s name listed as one of the victims, a loud painful scream left me that alarmed my mother and she immediately walked in the kitchen concerned about me and my child. Realization punched me in the gut that he was really gone. Someone shot up the car that he was in. Many other also got hit but he was the only one that died.

Last Good bye(s) are privileges and not everyone get to say them.

Hard Times and Good byes

During the funeral, I was spotting due to all the stress and heartbreak. The doctor was worried about me going to the funeral as it could have resulted in child loss. He said he couldn’t tell me not to go but he was concerned. I gathered the courage within me and went with my mother to the funeral. I was dressed in a white sweater outfit and my child felt like she was about to come through my legs right there. I truly believe that she was trying be born at her dad’s funeral so she could meet him.

Exactly two weeks and six days later, our beautiful daughter Iesha was born. Her birth was hard. The nurse came in when I was having contractions and was talking about this event that happened in Clarksville. She kept mentioning a young man who was shot in a car and died a few weeks ago. I kept trying to get her change the subject by asking about the numbers displayed on the monitor (Even though I knew those numbers were for my contractions) but she never got the hint. Apparently when she left my room for a bit, one of her coworkers explained to her that the person she was talking about was my child’s father. It is because when she came back in the room she just started apologizing and sad that I should have just told her to shut up.  

The Big Change

    The murder of Demitrius changed me so much. One week before his death, he was nowhere to be found for Lamaze class. He got caught up with some of his friends. He called several times trying to explain but I avoided his call due to anger. I am the type of the person who needs to calm down before speaking to those who gets me upset. Well, the last words I said to him were F You! I was a pregnant girl of nineteen years who also happened to be quite angry and frustrated at that time. I didn’t know that it would be my last time ever speaking to him. 

The culprit who shot and killed him was immediately caught by police near my workplace which is why I heard the sirens that day. I learned about this, days later and realized that my act of screaming Demitrius name was like a sign from God.

Fast Forward to Life Today

Now, it’s hard for me to be upset with those I love and care for. I fear that they may not be around before I calm down. Sadly, people think that they can walk all over you. So, the new struggle is how to stop them from hurting you and allow yourself to get upset and speak your mind if they do but all the while ensuring that you still love them.

Well, the answer to that is;

Tend to argue more in hopes that they get what is upsetting you and fix it instead of walking away if it’s hard for you stay around and they are not willing to fix it.

The new ultimate question is how do you address the issue with someone and hopefully they know that you still love them if something happens to them before you see or hear from them again. It is a task that I work hard on daily. I explain this to all the important people in my life that I will always love them but I will also hold my own opinion and speak my mind. So, if we don’t speak are seeing each other for a while after a disagreement, then, just know that I love you.

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